(..) in a parallel sea, what would I be?

This spring break I am finding out that Im a dipshit (I look around me and everything seems to be in its perfect place , everyone seems to be a better one, and I look at me and all I think is: why am I this way? why can't I be a more kind person? why do I hide myself? why can't I follow? Instead, I loose track. Inside, I don't know what's goin on, what's wrong with me , but the all picture in my head is awful).
The nightmare chases me (it really does), squeezes me every day and night; they might think its over but its not, I still feel bad for what I've done, and I still pay for that. I heard them , they heard me, I got them and they got me, we're fine but I lost something in the middle lines- thats what I tried to tell you that night at the car, I think I was misunderstood at this point. Maybe 'cause you didn't see all that was to see. But Im no martir, and I won't stay on the outside, or underground. So I've been tryin to dig all way through, to the day light again, next to you. ' Not giving up on you, just give me a shot.
I wanna be something. Let's live 'happily' where the Memories are safe inside, and Today is built. Do all again, live everything again, be and talk like before again. Now. 'Cause I really miss you three! 'Cause I am the same as before, I know! (and I hope 'the same' is not a dipshit, as it seems to me these days :( ) I love you all , so much. Buddiezinhos *-*

And a curious day, my Easter day was. A grandpa and a gradma in sintony when it comes to needle me - in a good way. But Im no lady, please :$
An headache to end the day, and a long night of sleep (finnaly)

one of my mewest