Retrospective Monolog
There's been a long time , a time of real huge pain, of tearful weekends (e-a-c-h o-n-e of them) and tearful breaks between classes - it can almost make me cry, just to write about it and remembering. Pain I didn't manage to deal with nor hide, and when I hid, I never felt better. You didn't know, nobody knew, and I know this may have made you wondering what I was thinking and feeling, exactly. I wanted to explain but I couldn't, though (I remember your call in the summer once).
So many things did happen, since then.. Last year, last months: a true nightmare.
Not only your things - I was still dealing with - but .. Gradpa, sis, you two just stole so much of what was left of me. I got so worried and down, which kept me asleep,kept me in a dark room, alone, far from Earth (btw, M83, Mew and dreamy stuff appear here, so that cannot be a coincidence). And the anger I used to feel so often (Linkin Park days :( ) because of Dad. Now I regret part of it, not all the times, but.. I'm really loving them all. Dad, Gradpa. And sis, my lil beautie. You're my enigma. You are the perturbing half of my heart, I love you so much and it kills me to watch you weak, sick, (and the worst of all) alone and lonely. 'Cause you can't get out of it, out of that Bubble ( I know so well that comforting Bubble you must rely on everyday). So, my attempts to help you healing are failed, vainly. I'm so small now, too much small to you and your illness.
It took more than one year; finally December was a month of internal changes. I started to feel different, and by Christmas time/January I was able to talk a lil bit, (not only with you, but also to a few more people, I suppose) I restarted, after so many time, to gave signs of live, of simply joy. It was like an awakenning, exactly! I felt like I was awaking from a a very deep and long sleep and as I realized that i felt ok. And it's so good to feel ok, just to feel ok.
No matter what, I'll always hold your hand sis
So many things did happen, since then.. Last year, last months: a true nightmare.
Not only your things - I was still dealing with - but .. Gradpa, sis, you two just stole so much of what was left of me. I got so worried and down, which kept me asleep,kept me in a dark room, alone, far from Earth (btw, M83, Mew and dreamy stuff appear here, so that cannot be a coincidence). And the anger I used to feel so often (Linkin Park days :( ) because of Dad. Now I regret part of it, not all the times, but.. I'm really loving them all. Dad, Gradpa. And sis, my lil beautie. You're my enigma. You are the perturbing half of my heart, I love you so much and it kills me to watch you weak, sick, (and the worst of all) alone and lonely. 'Cause you can't get out of it, out of that Bubble ( I know so well that comforting Bubble you must rely on everyday). So, my attempts to help you healing are failed, vainly. I'm so small now, too much small to you and your illness.
It took more than one year; finally December was a month of internal changes. I started to feel different, and by Christmas time/January I was able to talk a lil bit, (not only with you, but also to a few more people, I suppose) I restarted, after so many time, to gave signs of live, of simply joy. It was like an awakenning, exactly! I felt like I was awaking from a a very deep and long sleep and as I realized that i felt ok. And it's so good to feel ok, just to feel ok.
No matter what, I'll always hold your hand sis
música da semana ♥
from ep5 (:
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